It's been awhile.

Since my last document (post/update/opinion.) my life has been one big clusterfuck, in the healthiest way. I decided to update y'all on my current life as today. I will try to be as short and honest as can be.

Where am I now?

I am in a relationship, living with my boyfriend, located in the Palm Springs area, and soon moving to Pacific Beach, Ca.

I never thought in a million years I would ever be at this point of my life where I am making big descions. And it scares me to death. Here I am with the most amazing guy I have ever met. And I still can't figure out why I am not the happiest girl on earth. But here I am moving into a place with him away from my family. Everyone asks me so you guys are gonna get married, are you in love? All these questions that scare me!! I always freeze up when asked, shake my head, in denial is the best thing to describe it. Am I ready for all this? Ready for the things I always wanted, it is happening all so fast. I was the girl who hated relationships, who was disgusted by people "in love" who wrote stupid posts about their boyfriend/girlfriend on facebook. I was the one who said I will never be that girl. And here I am in this huge pickle! AND I HATE PICKLES! So am I ready for this? For all the questions, for the reality, for life. Honestly no! I am completely and entirely not ready for any of this. But what I am ready for is the experience. I can't tell what the future has in store for me, none of us do. And too many of us think we do. I will not sit here and not do it because I am scared, because I know not long from now I am already goin to think of all the "what if's" in my head, and regretting I didn't take the chance. For now I am just going with the flow. So for now...

For now. Yes I am in love, Yes I love my job, No I don't always tell the whole truth, but who does? For now, Yes I am greatful for all these new opportunities that seem to always present themselves lately. Yes, I am moslty about money,.... It helps. Yes, I am still ignorant to the world. And I rather be no other way at this moment of life. Who knows where I will be in 5-10 years. I would like to dream, but in the back of my head I keep it real. Am I at peace? No I never will be. Because I never stop thinking, pursuing, and running. I have stopped running from things, and started running to things. Am I happy? YES. There may be days I have no clue if this is right for me, where I think I am a horrible person. Days I am confused and explode all my botttled up emotions. Those days suck, but because I have those days, it makesall the other days SO much better.

well that is all for now, I have to go skype my best friend half naked...

-Ash